It's the Most Stressful Time of the Year

That's right it's Christmas. The time were we sit around with our families and pretend to enjoy their company all in the name of Christmas Cheer.

Wow, what fun. I mean it's fun for the first little bit but then the tension starts to mount and sooner or later everyone is at each other's throats because Aunt Velma has had too much stuffing, and Uncle Dick is, well, just being a dick.

Let's face it sometimes Christmas is just too much and people just need to take a deep breath and remember that Christmas comes once a year for a reason and it's about being a good person to all. Sometimes being a good person includes not forcing people to be together who don't want to be.

"God bless us, everyone"

The Weather

Ok, So looking out the window right now reminds me so much of Rick Mercer's Weather Rant. Everyone was talking about how we were going to get this huge snow storm and there would be 25-30 cm of snow.

I woke up this morning and looked out the window, and I think it would be stretching it to say that we got 15 cm of snow. But the school is closed. I don't have to go to work, don't get me wrong that's ok but I called my boss and she didn't even know that the school was closed. Chances are she looked out her window at home and thought "Why would it be closed?"

I mean sure, I'd have to dress like Nanook of the North to get to the library, but this is Canada, that's just what we do. As Rick says "that's why God invented long johns".

This is a sad, sad place we live in when Canadians are afraid of their weather.

Tin Man: Not Your Average Woodsman

So I finally found part 3 of Tin Man. It's really awesome. When I first started watching it I thought it was going to be a remake of the Wizard of Oz, but it's not. It's what happened a couple generations after Dorothy. At first I couldn't believe that they were taking something as timeless as the Wizard of Oz and changing it completely, but about half way through part two you find out it's not.

I must say though it was amazing. It has the winged monkeys, crazy tornados, good vs evil, hot air balloons, the whole 9 yards. It definately makes a great movie.

Come Over to the Dark Side: We Have Cookies ... and Cheap Christmas Gifts

So I found out today that some of the student assistants at the library are crafty, to some extent that includes me. Yes, I have turned to the dark side. And it's true... we do have cookies!

One of my friends showed me this really cute drum ornament from Martha Stewart.com. You can even put cookies inside and give them away as gifts. I'm thinking I'll have to go to Micheals and see if I can find the things to make it out of and then give them to my friends in residence.

Then another friend of mine showed us her record bowl. Literally a bowl made out of an LP record she bought at Value Village. Then you melt it in the oven and form it into a bowl shape (clicking the link will give you more detailed instructions). Just a word of warning, make sure that the record has next to no value *before* you melt it down. Just a couple clicks on ebay will give you an idea as to whether to melt it or to sell it.

And of course, I have my great-grandmother's shortbread recipe. She actually got it from her 2nd husband's mother, so it's over 100 years old. Being that old I've had to adjust it somewhat, and also it didn't come with instructions so I've had to play around with those too, but I think I've got it just about perfect so here it is:

4 1/2 cups of flour
1 cup of packed brown sugar
1 lb of softened butter
2 egg yolks
2 tsp of vanilla

Blend together the flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter until it is all mixed and has the consistancy of oatmeal. Add the egg yolks and vanilla and knead until it forms a ball of dough. on a baking tray smoosh out the dough until it is 1 inch even all around. Poke with a fork (I'm not sure why that's just what you do). Place into a 275 degree over and bake for an hour. Remove and cut while warm.

See I told you we had cookies

3am

So it's almost 3am and I'm still awake. Would anyone care explaining why? Cuz I have no idea. Well I'm off to bed now. Gonna be sorry about it in a couple hours

Me

So I find myself tonight very far down, like at the bottom of a pit far down. Just the usual self-dislike. I mean, really there's no reason for it, but still it comes and it doesn't back down. Like a viscous animal just waiting inside me to pounce.

Sometimes I know that I like me, but then there are times when I don't even know who I am. What makes me me?

Am I my body? With all its scars and markings. No, no, there's something deeper there. Something much deeper there.

Is it the fact that I'm gay? I'd have to say no. I am so much more than who I am sexually attracted to. I know that that freaks some people out, but I want them to look past that and see me.

Is it that I like to write? Once I was worried that I only wrote about people I want to meet. I had a teacher who told me that I was the person that I was writing. that I had her traits. I had created a character and the setting and she was doing what I would.Sometimes I feel like I put my very soul into my writing, but that would mean that my soul is something else apart from my writing. So, no, my writing is only a reflection of my soul.

Or is it my intelligence? Sometimes I'm a bit like a sponge, I can soak up so many facts and recall them later. But I know so much more than random facts.

But what is intelligence without emotion? I find that I am a very emotional person and I feel things very deeply, sometimes so deeply it's like my soul is being torn. Wouldn't that mean then that my emotions are not part of my soul they just effect it?

Is it the very way I think? The way I see the world? Does that dictate how the world sees me? No, I don't think so, partially yes, but not completely.

Some days I wish I could see myself the was that others do, so that I could see not only my flaws but also the good parts of me too. I know those good parts are here somewhere, I just lose track of them sometimes.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

So I managed to watch the first two parts of Tin Man and now I can't find the third part on the net anywhere! And it was getting so good. I want to know how it ends.

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I almost think I've become a junkie. It better have a good ending.

Tin Man: the dark side of OZ

So I've started watching this series, Tin Man, that is loosely based on the Wizard of Oz.

The main character DG is being pursued by Long Coats, the evil sorceress's henchmen. She get picked up by a traveling storm and finds herself in the O.Z. She mets up with the munchkins who are resistance fighters and while in jail there she meets the scarecrow, Glitch, who has had his brain removed by the sorceress. The tin man, Cain, is an Indiana Jones type who reluctantly agrees to allow DG and Glitch to accompany him. They rescue the the lion, Raw, from some evil monsters in the forest. He has been used by the sorceress in order to tell the future. And to top it all off the Good Witch, whose name I'm unsure of at this point, is a prisoner of the sorceress.

So far it's been semi-disturbing and wholly intriguing. I'll let you know what I think at the end....

Poem

I wrote this awhile ago but I'd like to share it...

Screams penetrate darkness.

I am too far away

to know that it is

me.

Pain shoots through.

His movements are too sharp

for me to feel my soul being

shredded.

Walls are tearing.

I am too young

to know that he is

wrong.

Lies swirl around.

His words, said too smoothly

for me not to

believe.

Chains bind souls.

I was too beat down

to know I could be

free.

My screams stop.

But the cries still continue.

My nightmare ends.

But the scars are still there.

My blood stops flowing.

But the pain goes on.

My age increases.

But the naivety remains.

My chains are rusting.

But the imprisonment persists.

His words have stopped.

His actions have stopped.

My journey has just begun.

Exams

So I finished my Peace Studies exam. It was ok. I wrote it very quickly and was kind of worried at first, but I'm pretty sure I did alright. It was an interesting exam. I got to write about how the exam situation is a violent thing. It was interesting. I really like that class but yet I have to say I'm glad it's over. It was a lot of stuff to remember, even with a cheat sheet.

No one could believe that I had finished in 2 hours, but I just find I understand it really well. I'd like to take the next part of the course but I just can't fit into my schedule. Which really sucks, but that said I'm very excited about next semester. We're reading a bunch of cool books in English, including Frankenstein. In religion we're moving on to the Western religions, and I have a pretty good idea of what I want to write my essay on (yes, already). French class kinda has me worried because we're getting a new prof. I'm very excited about Women's Studies, I think I'll really like that class. I'm also taking Art History which I think I'll also enjoy.

Well I still have two more exams, but I think that this one is the most stressful one that I'll have.

Different?

So last night I did something I don't think I've done in awhile... I just hung out with friends. Usually it's like there has to be a reason for me to be with friends, but last night I just wanted to hangout. We were all laying together talking about nothing, giggling about everything. And you know what? I actually enjoyed myself and felt like I belonged there.

But then we all went to bed. That was when the bad thoughts came. Telling me that I was different from them and didn't belong. Being tired and already depressed, and alone (roomie is gone for a couple days) I just couldn't seem to fight them off. I just felt so different from everybody, like I just don't belong anywhere.

The thing is I know that I do belong I just can't seem to get those thoughts out of my head, especially when my body is feeling icky.

Right now I know that I belong here and that I should allow myself to have fun. It just seems to get really hard when my body is throwing me for a loop like it is now, with my cycle being off and all.

Very Creative Advertising

So I was perusing the net today, as I do everyday and I stumbled upon 'Creature Discomforts', a very creative, British advertising campaign to raise awareness about people with disabilities. It uses stop motion animation, from the people that worked on Wallace and Gromit. It also uses stories of people who have disabilities as told by them.

I think that this campaign does an awesome job of promoting awareness, and it's really cute and just plain memorable

The Pedestrian and the Grocery Store

So today, feeling like I just needed to do something, anything really, I decided to walk to the grocery store down the street.

So I start out, walk though a bunch of back streets and finally get to the grocery store parking lot. That was when I decided that they don't make grocery stores for pedestrians. They don't have sidewalks from the main road to the store, or if they did they don't keep them shoveled. So I had to walk on the road part of the parking lot, pretty much taking my life into my own hands, you never know what people think they're allowed to do in a parking lot with their cars.


So I finally made it there and I didn't die, so I got a shopping cart and went on my way. At first I was just gonna make some granola bar things, so I went to the bulk aisle and got what I needed for that. Then I thought maybe I would make shortbread while I was here. So I got the stuff for that, but then found out that they don't sell 6 packs of eggs. I decided, ok, fine, I'll make quiche too. So finally $50 later I had my grocery shopping done.

I went and stood in line. I had been thinking before I left Wally and grabbed my backpack and one of those reusable bags, which by the way I got 6 cents off my purchases for having (I would have rather got the 50 PC points). Walking home, though, I realized I should have grabbed another bag so that I would have balanced out.

But I made it home, made my granola bars and now am dreading the drama I'm about to face.....

Girly Issues

Warning: this blog contains the rantings of a PMS'ing, extremely hormonal, young woman... you have been warned

So yes I am PMS'ing. This is the time that I hate being a girl. I get irritable, I cry for (almost) no reason, my entire body aches, and I just want to sleep the whole time. I just ... ugh ... every month it gets worse and it just really makes me angry. It's not bad enough that I live in an all girls rez with all the outside drama (that I try to stay out of I really do) but then I get drama going on inside my own body. ARG!

Some days I just want to scream. I mean it just keeps getting worse every month (both the PMS and the drama, though I suppose, being in an all girls rez drama is to only be expected). Why does my body seem to hate me so. Not just with mood swings, or cramps, but I get the deluxe package, complete with crazy mood swings (at the top of the highest mountain one moment, at the bottom of the ocean the next), cramps, back aches, breast pain, I crave food all the time, my sleeping pattern gets messed up, my face breaks out, my body retains water, the whole nine yards.

What makes me even more angry is the way that the medical profession treats me. "Well it hasn't totally screwed up your life, so here's the Pill". I don't want to be on the damn Pill. Yes, I have tried it and it works a little, but I'm sorry, even though my hormones are already messed up, I don't want to be screwing with them even more.

Now I'm going to go make some tea and breathe deeply and try to calm down.

On Being 19

So I think that so far 19 has been the most confusing tumultuous year ever. It just seems so contradictory.

It's like everyone expects everything and nothing from you.

You go off to school school and they want you to become who you are, but yet it seems they have a specific idea as to who you are. They tell you to do your best, but yet they expect you to do well. They tell you to adjust to being away, but then they want you back. They want you to make friends, but they have certain ways they think you should hang out with them. They want you to grow up, but they still treat you like a little kid.

Well you know what I'm tired of what they think. I need to break away from basing how good I am on how everyone else sees me. *I* need to like who I am. I need to be true to myself. I need to do my best, not anyone else's idea of my best. I need to find me, even if that means doing something unexpected

How to make a Mint Hot Chocolate

And once again I find myself ranting about the food on campus. This time about the mint hot chocolate from bistro. So when I hear mint hot chocolate i think of chocolate with mint, not the other way around. Also real chocolate is a plus. Not chocolate extract or whatever that was. Once I had a book about chocolate, the Chocolate touch I think it was, it came with a bookmark that was supposed to smell like chocolate... and it just smelled gross. The mint flavour did not help at all.

Overall an extremely disappointing experience

Well... it could be worse... maybe..

So the verdict has come in. Mr. Pickton has been convicted of 6 counts of 2nd degree murder. But I don't understand. How do you go out pick up girls with no prior intent to kill them... and then kill them NEARLY 50 TIMES OVER!!

So he has a chance for parole in 10 years. Not even 25. Sometimes I really don't agree with the Canadian Justice System. While I don't support the death penalty sometimes people just aren't safe to have in the general public.

This man is one of those people.

Pride Slide Show

Ranting about food

Food on campus really sucks on the weekend. Why is Commons the only place that serves breakfast. I mean, don't get me wrong, the waffles are awesome but still it's cold outside. and other than waffles the food there really just isn't good... ok it just sucks.

Blogging again

So it's been a long time since I've blogged but I think perhaps it would be a good idea to start again.

Things have been pretty good lately, still have my ups and downs though.

University has been really awesome so far. I no longer work for McD's but instead I work at the library on campus which is an absolutely awesome job. Some nights they just pay me to do my homework.
It's exam time now (AAAAAHHHH!) and so far I've written two.. just three more to go. My Music Exam was really easy, just like the rest of the course. My French Exam was also easy. I had been freaking out that I didn't know any of it but then I sat down to write it and it all came to me, even the essay part (which was a tad awkward... how many of you have got to write about sex and orgasms in another language??)

So just English, Peace Studies and Religion to go. Fingers crossed that they'll be easy too.